The onion can’t compete with this
They are having a hard time finding a implausible story.
The point of satire is that it’s plausible.
Why is he allowed to be in government again?
Fascism requires bootlickers. If you lick boots, you can’t be afraid of no germs.
Because MAGAs think it’s hilarious when Libz get all upset about this stuff. Look how crazy they get when you put some lunatic in charge of health care. Who cares? Health Care in this country sucks anyway, he can’t damage it any worse than it already is. At least we can get some laughs at the expense of the Libz, right?
It’s got to be that. NOBODY could possibly believe that he would IMPROVE health care.
Because Americans let conservatives have power, which means the circus came to town. And they brought their clowns with them.
His publicist is a worm that lives in his brain, it’s a recipe for success
I miss the days when satire was fake
This guy does not believe in germ theory, he believes in TERRAIN Theory. So of coarse he is not scared of germs.
According to terrain theory, germs don’t cause disease – it’s your body’s failure to maintain internal purity. If you’re healthy enough, pathogens can’t hurt you.
https://sciencebasedmedicine.org/your-terrain-your-fault-germ-theory-denial-2025/
Good thing I ate all that dirt as a child, got my body terrain boosted early!
They now recommend packing feces directly into the mucous membranes so that you have a healthy immunity to strangers shit particles when you snort coke as your childhood blossoms into adulthood. Also helps if you only consume animals, roadkill is fine, builds immunity to brainworms so your brain tissue can simply kill them off later.
Hey! As an aside - “of coarse” is incorrect, you’re looking for “of course” :)
“Coarse” refers to the size of particulates like how big each piece of sand is. Coarse is larger bits of sand, making it rougher.
The body has a way of shutting it down. Especially if its illegitimate rape.
Modern-day Lysenkoism. They’re going to kill us all, if they go on long enough.
Ive done more cocaine than the average person, sadly, and I’ve been in some wild circles. Never have I snorted cocaine from a toilet seat. The cistern sure but the seat come on bro.
Exactly. The back of the toilet—sure. Very common. It’s basically a little table. Also great for smashing adderall on for snorting.
Who the fuck would snort something off a toilet seat? Why would you want to bend down that far? It makes no sense. These guys are full of shit no matter what they are talking about.
Really? Why? Wouldn’t you have a perfectly good and slightly less gross bathroom counter?
You usually do this to be “discreet.” I don’t make the rules. People have been doing this forever.
Oh it just hit me you’re talking like a public bathroom, that makes more sense.
Sorry most of my drug-doing is weed and psyches XP.
Exactly it’s logistically harder than just using the back.
I am NOT the guy to talk to about drugs but there have been toilets without their own tanks for a long time.
In that situation you use the other side of your hand or a key. Keys can have the side effect of jamming up locks though.
Oh yea, I’m fully on board with find literally anything else haha
I’ve also done much than the average person in my time (maybe enthusiast-level at points?) and when I was at my most doing-it-est, I would never use a toilet seat. The only time I’ve done it in bathrooms at all was either from a bullet or key bumps from a pen cap.
It doesn’t pass my “if this drug fell on the bathroom floor at a club, would you still do it?” test. A rare few things pass that test for me.
Can we hold a vile of anthrax and say here sir prove you are not scared.
Anthrax is indeed vile, never understood why people like them so much.
Actual question: isn’t he admitting to a crime?
It’s cute that you think that still matters.
Strange flex for the head of a federal agency to admit to felony drug crimes.
The guy who got brain worms by eating roadkill isn’t afraid of germs?!? No way.
When you’re a sentient accumulation of germs and parasites, I’m sure a few more don’t scare you
Spoiler for the end of the game
spoiler
This thing becomes human at the end of the game, so there’s you answer___
Oh lol I need to pick it up again
He still does, but he used to too.
Mitch Hedberg has entered the chat
Mitch Hedberg would be a better secretary of health, and he’s dead.
Literally doing nothing is better than doing a whole lot of net harm.
No shit. He literally doesn’t believe in germ theory. He’s a moron.
This dude’s on auto-pilot. The brainworm took the helm.
Maybe the real brainworms was the cocaine we snorted along the way
I’m just imagining Bobby on his knees, snorting a rail off a shit smeared toilet seat, all while a perfectly clean countertop is literally right next to him. Kind of easy to imagine, considering what a fucking dumbass this guy is.
Also, whose got enough money for coke but not a small mirror, or a CD case, or a shiny book cover, or… Shit I’m telling in myself aren’t I?
At least I never did it off a fucking toilet seat! Eww dude!
Bobby the type of mother fucker to not wash his hands after using the bathroom. Nasty bitch.
Even just the screen of a phone. Super stable geniuses, the lot of 'em!
Checking back in a day later. Who the fucking fuck down voted this‽
Virtually every comment I’ve made has 1-2 downvotes, this is just how Lemmy rolls. Doesn’t really matter the content.
:'(
i mean, i’ve heard phone screens are legitimately horrendous for hygiene, which i wouldn’t be surprised by (no real evidence provided)
You press it against your face, put it face down on the table, shove it in your pocket, and then rub your fingers all over it…
Who am I kidding? Most people just rub their fingers all over it all day and also don’t wash their hands. Phones can be a wonderland for germs.
Glad the dude swimming in sewage run off, doing cocaine from toilet seats, and had a parasitic brain worm is in charge of our health
But the other person was fat and trans! /j
