My dad has recently been caught having an affair with his young personal assistant. Huge scandal; mom was very angry. Now they’re in the middle of divorce proceedings. Mom moved out, the other woman moved in and I chose to stay with him because we’re super close; he’s like my best friend. Now mom’s telling me to go and live with her and go no contact with him cause he’s a bad person and by continuing having a relationship with him I’m condoning his actions and “ignoring her suffering”. My relationship with my dad hasn’t changed, I don’t see why I should end it.
There’s a bit of difference between making a mistake and stabbing your partner in the back. He could have done it the right way, but he chose to do one of the most emotional hurtful things you can do.
He betrayed family to get laid
Point number 2. Read it again.
As of why, we can only speculate. Sometimes a disaster is what is required to get things happening that should have been over a long time ago.
They are living together already, so it was not only to get laid.
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Exactly. She moved in after. You are absolutely correct. 10/10 reading comprehension.
It would be unusual if she moved in before the ex wife moved out.
Nah, I messed up on that one. I’ll say that one.
Whoops. Just another mistake
So you’re a hypocrite? Is that really that much better?
No, I misread the final sentence. I still agree with everything I said, it was just slightly out of context so I withdrew it
But go off just being a dick
Right. I’m the dick that says op should not let themselves be caught in the middle of their parents messy divorce in ways that they might regret later in life and you are the one advocating op go no contact despite us not knowing barely anything about what has been going on or why because this is your hill to show off your moral high ground and insert yourself in some drama that you are immune of consequences. Sure, dude. I’m the dick.
Im not saying go no contact forever. I’ve said previously they should have their mother’s back until he can genuinely say sorry and start the healing process
Right now everyone here is advocating for shitting on the mother in her most vulnerable state. Because the dad is fun
Maybe read your own point 2 again…
Yeah, I get you and I agree. I already mentioned in another comment that OP is included in point two and it is ok that they have strong feelings about this. It grinds my gears though when people on social media go full binary in driving other people’s lives into the gutter because they can project themselves as morally superior or whatever other reason. That’s me point two right there.
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Staying makes it pretty clear OP is choosing a side. Theyd rather have a cool friend dad than an actual parent
Edit: not only was dad willing to blow up his family to get his dick wet, but he’s also cool with abusing his power for said reason
There are no ‘sides’.
Maybe not in a perfect world. But here there are clearly very opposing sides.
Even if the dad is cool about it and makes it seem like choosing to stay with him isn’t picking a side, it still is
My recommendation is not to side with the guy who not only had an affair but invited Ms side peice to live in their old family home
Between an immoral piece of sh and a person who was dedicated and believed they weren’t yes there are sides.
Father isn’t just committing an act of betrayal, which he does to the person he loves, so op will definitely also be fair game for betrayal, father is also abusing his seat of power over his very young employee which is called coertion or quid pro quo and is UNACCEPTABLE. The fact OP could look into the eyes of a man who would betray him without a second thought is just cope.
Eventually it will sink in how horrific this was and op I am sure being moral themselves hopefully will take moms side.
Normal to go through a period of shock or denial before it sinks in.
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Nah. I’ll keep my family values
You can go have fun blowing up a family and chalk it up to “whoops. Just another mistake”
If you are this allergic to nuance, I recommend staying away from threads that require logical/rational breakdowns of heavily-emotional topics.
You can’t just jump the gun (having fun blowing up families) about someone just because they answered OOPs question in an impartial manner.
So if you seriously cannot engage with this topic without resuming to attacks, I implore you to take a step back, reasess, and move on to something else.
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Not from Kansas. Well traveled and have seen a bunch of relationships. I’ve seen people get divorced and I’ve seen infidelity.
I have immeasurably more respect for those that get divorced no matter how hard it is. Breaking the vow through being a cheater is about as low as you can go.
Sorry you don’t hold marriage to sanctity it should be
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Nah. Im allowed to do whatever I want.
And I want to call out people for excusing an affair. The dad could have done it the right way, like an actual adult. Asking for a divorce is hard, but immeasurably easier emotionally to the person you make a commitment to than sneaking around and finally getting caught WITH YOUR ASSISTANT
No one is excusing an affair. People are merely trying to help OOP navigate an emotionally complex situation: wanting to keep contact with their father despite the circumstances, and wondering if their mother’s actions are justifiable or not.
You can do whatever you want, but that does not absolve you of consequences.
I only gave you genuine advice, taking breaks/disengaging is helpful. I cannot force you, ofcourse, there’s only so much I can do.
So please consider above, and have a nice day
Hey I know this guy just did one of the most deplorable things a man can do, but just continue having fun with him. It’ll be fine.
I’m curious to learn what you think about your username in this context? What crime are you partner in and is it only breaking a partnership that is an unforgivable crime?
Are you a whale, Ross?
Yes. Now your turn, my morally incorruptible dude.
Cool. I also love lying to make a point
Jaywalking. I’ll be your partner in jaywalking cause it was made up by the motor industry to pass on pedestrians getting hit onto the pedestrian instead of the driver
To bad you’ll never get to experience it though, being your a whale and all