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This judge, I imagine: “I hereby decree, with the power I’ve vested in myself, that no poor shall be allowed financial relief of any kind whatsoever, now or any time in the future, whether or not that relief is warranted or legally mandated. Furthermore, I hereby decree, that any relief initially intended for a poor shall instead be transferred to the coffers of one or more of the lobbied corporate entities listed in the appendix of this ruling. This apolitical and logic-based ruling cannot be challenged by anyone with a net worth less than $1 billion. See appendix for relevant appellate account transfer and verification details. Use coupon code BOOTSTRAPS24 for a 5% discount.”

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