read right as polite, because they get offended easily.

I’m a male nurse in a predominantly female unit.

How I see a job: I’m there to work and go home and don’t want to socialize. Each of my coworkers is welcomed to talk about work with me, but I don’t disclose my personal life, age or life goals with them. Work and let me work. If you need help, call me, we’ll work together.

How my unit works: there is a group that’s childish and gossipy, don’t know boundaries and act like a clique, but maybe 50% of the unit are people that work and let me work, help me and I help them (with the gossip clique this is not always the case).

I was sick for 4 weeks and I’ve decided this is a good opportunity to establish boundaries, something I’ve never done at my current unit. Why now? Being sick I had time to think what I don’t want in my life: faking interest in the sexual life or my coworkers, knowing who started dating who or what they think of Biden or the second amendment ain’t things I care about. I’ve had a coworker trying to find me a girlfriend a week after knowing me. No thanks.

I’m entertaining other job prospects and I still don’t know if I’m gonna jump ship, so for the time being, I’m here. Where I work I’m forced to eat with the rest of the team, including the gossips, so I’m trapped (because if I don’t eat with them they’ll start asking why I’m so unfriendly or if I’m angry at them and feel offended, they simply cannot understand that sometimes I want time to unwind without them).

What I think I could tell them, next time they start with their inquisitive questions:

‘I’ve worked here for a year already. It should be clear by now that I’m not a talkative person. This is a question I don’t want to answer. And I hope that you respect that.’

‘that I don’t talk doesn’t mean I hate you, it means I have nothing to say’ < I find it ludicrous even having to explain this.

‘I don’t see what that has to do with the job’

‘I don’t talk about religion, politics or my private life with coworkers and I hope you respect that’

should they keep pestering:

‘all right, I need time to unwind, which means today I’ll spend my pause somewhere else.’ and proceed to eat alone somewhere else.

And if they pester yet again:

‘leave me alone’

if by this point some of them start giving me the evil eye and afterwards start ignoring me or treat me differently, time to accelerate my transfer to another unit.

If you like keeping boundaries with your coworkers, what do you tell them that works?

  • algorithmae@lemmy.sdf.org
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    3 months ago

    ‘I’ve worked here for a year already. It should be clear by now that I’m not a talkative person. This is a question I don’t want to answer. And I hope that you respect that.’

    This won’t be taken well at all and sounds incredibly assholish.

    ‘that I don’t talk doesn’t mean I hate you, it means I have nothing to say’ < I find it ludicrous even having to explain this.

    Still kinda rude IMO

    ‘I don’t see what that has to do with the job’

    Depending on the situation could also be rude.

    ‘I don’t talk about religion, politics or my private life with coworkers and I hope you respect that’

    Yes, this is good. Firm and clear.

    ‘all right, I need time to unwind, which means today I’ll spend my pause somewhere else.’ and proceed to eat alone somewhere else. And if they pester yet again: ‘leave me alone’

    How about just “Sorry, I don’t feel like talking right now.” except you say that every time like a broken record. They’ll move on eventually since you never have anything to add.

    • waz@lemmy.world
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      3 months ago

      What about phrasing it so the effort isn’t on you, but them?

      “I’ve never really felt comfortable around [describe group]”. This way, the failure isn’t yours to get comfortable, but on them to mwake you comfortable.

    • dennis5wheel@programming.devOP
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      3 months ago

      I might just repeat like a broken record ‘I don’t want to talk about it and I hope you respect that’.

      I still believe a nosy person will test this boundary, but I’ll try it and see what happens.