Double edged sword, since it’s good that we can actually remember said experiences and maybe pass the wisdom down.
I theorize that this is the leading cause of “gap” between generations. Adults who are emotionally inept always say “it doesn’t hurt that bad,” “heartbreaks heal,” “you’ll get over this issue you are facing,” “you’ll forget all about this,” or something similar. Those kids are going through something that they haven’t ever experienced, and that hurts or is scary.
Adults have the experience to understand that things can change, but frequently lack the wisdom to empathize with the “new” factor for the kid.
Oh there;s lots of new experiences in getting old: going through social security rigmarole, turning grey (or bald), finding yourself unable to do stuff you used to do, arthritis, gout, bone loss, needing a cane, getting up several times a night for the sake of your bladder…
Jesus dude…
Jesus died before 40, he didn’t share the experiences of old age.
My recent ex girlfriend would take certain things we were about to do together (traveling, going to the spa, going to a particular restaurant close to my house, spending the day at a museum, etc.) and would just automatically assume that I had already done that same thing with some unspoken past ex of mine, and get preemptively sad, upset, and self-conscious that she wasn’t “the first”… What? Life isn’t all about firsts, why even get upset about that? So what if I’ve already done something before with someone else, I am still going to enjoy it with YOU right NOW. Maybe a lot of people do compare past experiences to current ones, but I don’t find that very fulfilling, so I just don’t. It’s a lot easier to just live day to day.
I think your attitude is a good one to have. Comparison is the thief of joy or whatever the saying is.
Yes! You can do the same thing many times, but that same thing has the potential to be very different each time!
Experience it with different people, with different levels of life-wisdom, with a differently aged body and mind, within differnet cultures, etc etc! So many factors, so many possibilities!
But if you live long enough it’s all new again! Some good lines from Andy Huggins, 74-year old standup comic:
“Went to the doctor to see if I had arthritis. Turns out I have early onset rigor mortis.”
“The great thing about dating women my age is I don’t have to meet their parents.”
“Anybody ever drop their phone in the toilet? I did that, so I put it in a bag of rice.
Anybody ever drop a bag of rice in the toilet?”This is also why time apparently moves faster when you are older. Your brain has fewer novel experiences, and because a deep part of your consciousness yearns for familiarity and regularity, you gravitate towards rote memorization of more and more of your living experience and move forward on autopilot. Time dilation is very real, and especially noticable if you spend a few decades in repetitive cycles.
Honestly it’s why marriages/partnerships fall apart, why people experience midlife crises, and why (traditional) conservativism is so easily fostered in older people. New is scary and dangerous. Same is safe and navigable. It sneaks up on you, too.
There’s always something new. I didn’t think I would experience cardiac arrest but here we are. The great thing is no known cause. Yay so fun.
That why there is dementia 😉
/j
Problem is that you now have no new experiences at all anymore, only the old ones remain.
Every moment in time is unique, every second that passes is a new second with a new world state. Yes there are similarities and patterns, but by shifting your focus you can always find a new way to look at the world.
Instead of trying to recreate Christmas morning 1995 for yourself, try to create Christmas morning 2025 for someone else.
I’ve found the higher income of older age unlocks all kinds of “firsts” that I simply couldn’t afford when I was younger and living with a beater car and a ramen noodle budget.
Further, as I’ve gotten older the value of different “firsts” shifts dramatically. “First roller coaster” was an important first of my childhood while sitting in an office where Abraham Lincoln’s practiced law eating a piece of pie in what is now a restaurant was a much more important “first” that my childhood self wouldn’t have cared about. The pie is fantastic too!
I found that when I lived with a beater car and ramen noodle budget, I had several months of free time per year to do things that I have never been able to repeat since getting “a real income.” Life sucks that way.
The time, yes, but the resources? There are monetary limits to many “firsts”.
Yes, absolutely. However, on $14K/yr income (in 1990), with a beater car, ramen diet and cheap room rent, I was taking summers off and flying to Europe. Sure, I’d stay in youth hostels and travel on the train pass or rented bike, but 3 months in Europe didn’t even cost $4000 out of my $14K income.
Domestic trips in the beater car were of course even cheaper, as long as I mooched lodging off of friends and family.
The worst part of getting old is seeing people make the same mistakes over and over and over again. That and disco revivals.
Isn’t that the same statement twice?
The flip side is things you have mastered over the years change, which is also annoying. Like the simple act of ordering at a McDonald’s drive through.
How, even as seasoned veterans of experience, can we preserve a sense of wonder throughout our lives?
. . . truly contemplating the world — truly attending to and feeling wonder for it — can help dissolve the separations we artificially impose upon life.
Your post reminded me this short article, on maintaining wonder and awe through awareness. Its less about the comparison, and more about the appreciation.
Inescapable movie reference: The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
The worst part of getting old is forgetting experiences that you had.
The worst part of getting old is the non-stop physical pain, making you forget what it was like to just have a single, solitary day without it.
No wories. Just wait a bit. It won’t be long before all your experiences will feel like new ones again
Jimmy, is that you? Little Jimmy from the house across the creek! Oh, we had such fun together.
