Once upon a time, people were against social security because they believed the government would use the individual numbers assigned to everyone as a form of identification…

History may not repeat itself, but it rhymes.

You get disappeared by the secret police.

The oppression is the goal. They want you to tell 10 people locally, not 10 million worldwide.

Been going on for a while. Remember “Alternative Facts”?

If someone were to break out a stegosaurus right now, it wouldn’t disprove evolution, it would disprove the extinction.

To disprove evolution you would need to interrogate a horseshoe crab to find out what they looked like before.

You know how some people have a sympathetic gag reflex if someone is throwing up? That’s me with crying at funerals. Once someone else gets going it’s hard for me to keep it together.

To cope, I crack jokes in my head because it’s easier to fight back laughter than tears, so I concentrate on that.

Basically, try to find something else to focus on instead of all the emotions, but if the emotions come out, that’s all right - it’s a funeral, emotional outbursts are normal.

As long as the Biker Mice from Mars show up, I’m in!

My “welding” experience consists of soldering parts onto circuit boards. I don’t think that will help much with thick steel plates. Can’t have a Killdozer that falls apart mid rampage.

A bunch of states are going to kowtow to him anyway, a judge is going to declare it unconstitutional, Trump’s going to throw a hissyfit & bomb Djibouti or some shit as distraction and Congress is going to pass it anyway.

Trump is an utter moron, being supported by utter morons, with utter morons calling rational people “the real morons” for daring to ask “wait, what?”

I’m tired, and I can’t weld good enough to make a Killdozer…

Someone is going to link their Signal chat to the app, aren’t they…

I miss my old Nokia sometimes

After you verify your age

Yeah, I had more than one sheer off trying to put one in or unscrew one.

I was there for the transition period between incandescents and LEDs: The CFL.

Now I’ll investigate the real issue: how does that link to the liberal agenda that’s making the communist gay frogs antisemitic?!?

(Collect 6 months of checks, then say the results are inconclusive)

Oooh! Oooh! I remember this one!

Next, businesses will have to create a separate restroom that says “TRANS ONLY” so things can be “separate but equal”…

ಠ_ಠ

Cowabunga it is, then!

I remember the pinball one, but it was the one with the weird house with all the mirrors that got me.

Muppet show muppet?

Gonzo.

Jim Henson in general?

Chuck from Emmett Otter’s Jugband Christmas.