It sounds like you are struggling with how your parents and the rest of your family treat you.

Does it make it better or worse if you were indeed their child?

In my mind, blood means nothing. Blood might be your starting place, but you can choose to keep who you want at any time. I only associate with people that do not mistreat me. I was NC with my dad until he died. He treated me like shit, so one day I refused to give him the time of day.

My ex was also horribly abusive to me. When I decided “no more,” he got no special treatment from me either. I got a restraining order against him, like I would for anyone that would try to physically harm me.

Holding on to the past and keeping score isn’t helpful for you. It’s ok to remember it as the reason why you wouldn’t talk to them (or gray rock if you must still associate), but to wish the score was settled? It is a burden on you. Treat yourself with the dignity you deserve, let it go, and heal.

It is not easy, but you are worth this work.

I realize that you see things that planted this seed in your head. I am telling you, that is not really the root of your issue.

What does matter? The people that you do choose. The things YOU decide are important.

Believe me, I know this. I have been mistreated for my childhood and early adulthood. I always wondered what I did to deserve it. Truth of the matter is, I was never likely to find the answer. I could spend a whole lifetime wondering, and for what? I just chalked it up to other people sucking. The way they treated me isn’t a reflection of me, it speaks more to their own shortcomings. I still get mad at how they treated me sometimes, it’s not perfect. But it has made my life a whole lot happier when I let this go. It’s time for you, too.

Unless you decide to independently verify everything you interact with, there is a certain amount of faith that one needs to keep to live day-to-day. I’m not talking about religion.

If I hold a rock in my hand and think it’s a very old rock, but instead it was just a piece of concrete, does it matter?

To you, am I just a bot or am I a person very far away from you talking to you over the Fediverse? Does it matter?

Is the sun really there, or is it an elaborate hoax? Observing the sun and moving on is enough. Does it matter?

What does matter to you? If you ask me, you should care about a few things. Your own wellbeing. The wellbeing of your community. Your friends. The things that bring you any joy. (And if you have none, then if you work on your own wellbeing, you will be able to find joy after a certain point.)

What if you weren’t biologically your parents’ child, but they weren’t aware of that fact, either? Like you got swapped at the hospital? What would that change for you?

Him: “do you enjoy your job?”

Me: “eh, it’s alright. I don’t hate it.”

Him: “you should enjoy it”

Me: shrug “ok”

No need to really engage. No need to give a lot of details. If he pushes just kind of blow him off.

I sometimes get miffed by people that are more privileged than me telling me I should take it easy like them, when that is not an option for me. I remind myself that they just don’t get it and move on.

Mmm… Baskin-Robbins roast

Loss of benefits

My partner and I are committed, and want to get married. Can’t for financial reasons.

We both have to go to the hospital every once in a while (bad health). I fear for the time I am barred from seeing her because it is “family only” and I am legally a stranger.

I worked with someone that I later found out used AI to code her stuff. She knew how to code some, but didn’t understand a lot of fundamentals.

Turns out, she would have AI write most of it, tweak it to work with her test cases, and call it good.

Half of my time was spent fixing her code, and when she was fired, our customer complaints went way down.

I knew people from bigger cities that had metal detectors in the mid-aughts. I think they’re wider spread now, but I don’t know much about schools now. Not sure about X-ray machines, never heard about those in a school.

In the sticks, we don’t have any of the machines. The textbooks are usually older than the pupils too and a lot of the stuff is in poor repair, so it may be an issue of funding.

What would he do on his own? What would have you done on your own as a kid? If these answers are different, why?

How will negative consequences be handled, like he doesn’t pay rent, runs out of money for food, or he damages the apartment? What about really big ones, like he allows someone to stay over long enough that they become an established tenant, cause problems, and then don’t leave? In your jurisdiction, are there legal consequences for you if he breaks the law that you would not face if he were legally an adult?

Is there a plan for if he decides he wants to move back?

Do you foresee any legal consequences? For instance, if his school learns about this arrangement, will CPS or the police get involved? Is that something you can recover from?

In the right circumstances, I think this is a good idea. As a parent, your job is to prepare him for adulthood. Letting him live on his own, while meeting his needs (food, shelter, healthcare) with a safety net can work. A lot can make these the wrong circumstances. Only you can answer whether or not the circumstances are right in your situation.

Hmmm…

I am a parent. I have no problem with “adult-only” spaces. I don’t bring my kid to a lot of places where it is not appropriate. There are plenty of child-friendly places activities for kids. Yeah, it sucks that I have to make arrangements ahead of time if want to go to an adult-only space, but that’s what you do as a responsible parent.

It is only an issue if parents face discrimination for something that actually matters, like access to housing, food, and medical care or career opportunities.

All time is poo time when you’re close to the boss’s desk

No. I’ll take someone at their word about their sexual orientation.

If someone is bi and they only date people of the opposite gender, they’re still bi. They’re not straight but want to be different.

If someone is bi and they only date people of the same gender, they’re still bi. They’re not gay in denial.

If someone says they’re bi, and they’re not… Who cares?

I think it happens often. Doesn’t make it right. I’m sorry she said something so hurtful to you.

If you want advice or just to talk, message me. I will listen.

Curious about the meaning of life? I don’t think we’re really assigned roles. We’re just kind of here. You can just do the minimum if you want, just securing food and shelter. Or you can choose to do more if you have the means. You have the freedom to assign your own meaning to your life. I find most people either pursue religion/spirituality, community service, knowledge, or pleasure.

Wow, what a maze. Are there accessibility laws that might be violated where this is?

Make your home as unattractive to pests as possible. You’re not going to be able to have airflow and keep the pests out of your computer.

Below is a dump of things I did when I had to deal with roaches.

Reduce moisture as much as possible. Roaches love water. Any leaks, even slow ones, should be addressed. Puddles should not be left ever.

Seal up any holes. If they’re coming out of around your outlets, there is some foam sheets you can install behind the plate to seal up that gap.

Seal up your food in your home as best as possible. No bags with clips. You must put it all in airtight containers.

Keep your kitchen and dining area clean. Never leave any dirty dishes out. All leftovers should be dealt with ASAP. Clean your sink, counters, table, and floor.

Take special care to maintain your dishwasher. Clean your garbage disposal daily at the least.

You must only eat in your designated dining room. Do not eat anywhere else.

Clean all of your floors daily. Sweep and mop. Vacuum your couch.

Take out your trash daily at the least.

You will also need to treat for the pests. If you’re sharing walls with other households and they’re not doing the same as you and they are not getting treatments, you have my condolences.

One thing that would make a creep a creep is a power imbalance of some sort. For this to exist if we’re only considering the age gap between adults, is if one adult is so young they’re being taken advantage of.

A 20 year age gap where the younger is early 20’s is creepy, because the younger’s lack of experience makes them vulnerable. A 20 year age gap where the younger is in their 30’s or beyond isn’t, because the younger likely has the maturity to avoid being taken advantage of.

Are there any other factors that would make this creepy, like you have influence over this person’s career? If not, then no worries! Enjoy dating.

Yep. My therapy was used against me in a court case. As a result, I just figured out how to deal with most things myself.

It has very negatively affected my health and isn’t optimal, but it’s a lot better than the alternative.

Do you have any metal allergies? If you think you do, you might consider looking for a blade without that particular metal. Most stainless steel contains nickel, which is a fairly common allergy.

The Osbournes need to fuck all the way off.