Truffle

Try using “I” statements instead of “you” statements, for example: “You make me feel so angry” is blamey, accusatory and points a finger to the other person and most people stop listening after feeling attacked.Instead use “I feel angry when: __________” And then name whatever the reason is as neutrally as possible: I feel neglected when the dishes are left out, I feel unheard when I get on my car and the tank is empty, I feel hurt when I cannot express my concerns, etc etc. In my experience this works in two ways: The other person does not feel attacked and might be willing to actually listen and work on whatever the issue you peeps are having.

Oh! Another big one is to come up with a don’t interrumpt method that works for you.Some people use the pillow turn, some people use a timer but the most creative I have seen is that whenever this couple of people needed to discuss whatever issue, they would get out a bowl of some sort of snack be it grapes, chips, etc. And the one chewing was the one listening, whenever chewing was over the talking person would stop and exchange places lol.

What I personally use with my kid and SO is to have mutual agreements before starting a serious talk, for example: " I love you and want to work together with you to solve this, we are both smart compassionate people, it is not you versus me, it is both of us against the problem."

In a not so loving enviroment, the agreement and approach would be different:

" OK I am here to talk about ______ I want us to solve this and will do my best to achieve that as I hope you do too. I will not tolerate being insulted, yelled at or patronized. If unfortunately any of those things happen during our conversation I will be leaving the room and we will have to reschedule at a better time that works for both of us"

Hope this helps, you got this!

Absolutely.

Not really during gradeschool or highschool. We moved around a lot so being the New kid every time was not easy. That changed when I entered college, I had a blast and was super popular: Got invited to parties all the time, karaoke contests, barbecues, summer outings, etc.but kind of an anomally at the same time because of the fact I was a scholarship student in a private university surrounded by rich kids. I graduated top of my class and elected valedictorian. With time most of those relationships fizzled down and while I still keep in touch with some of my classmates who were closer to me, I only keep one good friend from that time. Me and him are tight as thieves and have been through many many things together over the years. Now in my mid forties I have been able to make new true friends through shared interests or some who started as clients or neighbors or other roles, that have now become friends and I feel happy and content about it.

Exactly! You said it. Just because you stick a bunch of kids together for hours on end does not mean they will become friends. Some do but many of these relationships would not happen outside of a school setting, same as friends from work enviroments I guess. Some friendships can be formed IMO if the school/work setting bond can be translated/migrate to other settings. For example, I now have friends who started as clients of teachers or whatever and our relationship has many different layers and tendrils. I like that.

I have one friend with whom I just celebrated 25 years of friendship with and we have been through ot all: Family deaths, marriages, having kids, getting jobs, losing jobs, moving countries, etc. And we could not be more different from each other if we tried lol. What I am trying to say is that making friends is not for the weak and I applaud you for putting yourself out there as scary or stupid it can feel sometimes.

Oooohhh Layne had such a beautiful haunting voice. I still remember the first time I listened to Jar of flies, I just stood still taking in this new sound and the lyrics were so depressing and obscure and… man! I feel 16 again just typing this up. I brcame an instant fan and would have loved to see them live.

Counting Crows Across a wire concert album was great! I loved everything about it even though I already loved the original songs and rhe original albums. Yes I am a hardcore fan, but that album was perfection!

20 years together, fourteen of them married.

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This is what I did when a situation like this popped up lol.

Spot on.

There are no lost causes, just struggles you don’t face.

This is my logic too. I own my house but have been leasing a new car every year for over ten years now.

I was kind of skeptical at first but for now I think it works out for us.

Story time! Many years ago I read a Maria Callas biography and I have no idea if this fact is true or not, but here it goes:

Maria was self conscious about her body image and she wanted, moren than anything, to look as thin as her idol: Audrey Hepburn. So in order to do that, she went to a famous doctor who would give his patients a pill thay contained tape worm eggs so they would hatch and live inside them making them lose weight and then this same doctor would deworm them but plot twist! María loved being thin so much that she decided to keep her tapeworm so she would not gain back any weight. This book said that when she took long baths, the worm would kind of wiggle out a bit due to the warm water and then coil back up inside her when she existed the tub. This piece of info was very disturbing for me.

I agree. Maybe I wasn’t getting my point across as good as I thought I was. Language barrier and what not.

What I mean, is that I absolutely think kids should learn how budgets work and how not getting your way does too, what I am saying is that some shoes is not the hill I am willing to die on. Nor is what some petty kid is trying to bully someone about. Want the sneakers? Good, go get them. I don’t care and it makes kid happy.

I think it comes down to what is important to someone. I don’t care about making my kid’s path more difficult on purpose to exert some kind of power, what is the point? To teach what lesson exactly? Yes on principle we shouldn’t act out of peer pressure and try and be the bigger person all the time. I get that, but we have to live in reality and that is a fact of life. Who acts flawless all the time? Who is a perfect parent/person? Who makes stupid decisions that are not life threatening? We all do so maybe buy the shoes if it is witjin your possibilities and discuss how to make different/ better decisions in the future. There. No one had to suffer because of it. Move on.

And to toughen kid up I think horses do that just fine lol. There is nothing like watching them take care of a 1000 pound animal that is so delicate and so dangerous at the same time and fall off the saddle to get back on right away because they love it so much. Having an animal like that will teach you about boundaries, respect, hard work and humble behavior like no other thing.

This is my mindset too. It isn’t about me.

Good for you. Whenever I get this kind of situation with ny kid I think “Will this matter in five years? Will this purchase break the bank?” If not, I buy/allow/rent whatever and move on. It usually does the trick and I don’t mind if in my mind it sounds ridiculous or exaggerated, It is not about me but whatever they are going through and as long as they get the tools they need, so be it. Kid is very down to earth and doesn’t usually overconsume. The only place where we overspend is the bookstore.

My mother. One of the best compliments I ever got is “You are NOTHING like her”♥️

Nightmare fuel for sure, I could never.

On the other hand, I love how enthusiastic (and disgusting) your whole comment is! Lol I am happy there are people like you who enjoy performing a very much needed job and hope they pay you accordingly.

Are there any perks to this kind of job? Like how teachers get the summer off? (Do they still do that?) I had a friend who is a mortician and ahe said that one of the biggest perks of her job was that she diidn’t need to make small talk. A bit dark but a perk nonetheless.

7Hey fellow road rager! I too suffer from this aillment while knowing at the same time that it could be life threatening if I cross paths with an armed short fused a$$hole. I live in a very high traffic city with stuff to do on both sides of it, taking my kid to some classes results in a two hour commute and then two hours back home. Not easy and it makes me want to light my hair on fire sooooo me and my kid play the “maybe” game:

Maybe that guy cut me off because he is pooping in his pants (Kid laughs and it Takes the edge of me bursting into flames)

Maybe that lady trying to pass me in a not so nice way is late for her flight to (insert whatever place you/your kid think of and talk about what things you’d like to do there. While in Italy, for example, we thought about asking for a pizza with pineapple on it and putting a clown wig on the David)

I could go on and on (I won’t) but the main thing is to redirect my anger as energy to somewhere else.

I find it amusing when I do it with my kid because it helps us connect while spending time together. When I am by myself I play it too, but the NSFW version: This guy is tailgating me because he cannot wait to get pegg3d when he gets home. Etc etc. I chuckle for a bit and let it pass. Not kink shaming anyone at all.

Maybe I am a bit insane but this has helped me tremendously.

Taking off my shoes at the entrance of my home and get out of street clothes.