We’re almost to our daughter’s 9th month of life. We’re both overtired and feeling overworked, with precious little of the time we used to spend on hobbies or couple-time. That said, while there’s been a shift towards an expectation culture in the house (vs an ask culture) we haven’t had the sort of challenges listed in that first paragraph.

Some things probably working for us:

• We’ve been together for over a decade and in our home for 9 years

• Our communication style is productive even during arguments (“I feel” statements are much more positive than “you” statements)

• We’re majority wfh so we have the capacity to buffer each others’ needs as parents throughout the day, rather than leaving everything to one person or having additional financial stresses with childcare

Some things definitely working for us:

• Calling each other out for awesome parenting, because very few others will and it’s amazing to feel that validation

• Proactively taking something off of each other’s plates, whether that’s cleaning or laundry, dishes or bottles, whatever task is getting done is one that doesn’t have to be done later

• Knowing about spoon theory and being sensitive to how much bandwidth each other has left. It’s way harder to recharge from past depleted, so being flexible and recognizing when I or my partner are reaching that point and stepping in or voicing a need for support goes a long way for both of us

How do you find the mental fortitude to ignore the stupid bs your partner does or says?

I mean, we’re both sleep deprived so I’m sure there’s stupid coming out of my mouth too. I think it’s much healthier to laugh or work to improve the condition causing stress than it is to feed a negative cycle. If either of us are escalating we missed a chance to bolster each other.

How would you describe love to your partner a year after having a baby?

Gratitude. I feel incredibly fortunate to have a partner who puts in the effort and has put in the effort to help build the communication style that’s worked so well for us.

Is there any way to know if you and your partner are going to make it and remain a couple after having a child?

It really helps to have a relationship built on respect, and knowing enough about yourselves to approach challenges constructively. Build a good foundation with each other, learn to communicate positively, and do your best.

“I forgot one thing about the guy who had gained the ability to fly - it was actually only for a foot or two, and only an inch or so high”

• The Vandals, An Idea for a Movie

A health insurer being permitted to vertically integrate a pharmacy chain to get around profit margin caps.

Tbf, drain cleaning Australia’s synth wave music is pretty rockin but yeah the rest sucks

Kakistocracy, noun - government by the least suitable or competent citizens

Henry Agard Wallace

Oh sure. Not all of them, certainly, but a good number of friends and I will hug to say hello/goodbye. Some of those guys prefer the handshake-bro-hug variety, others go in for the full bear hug. A handful of them, my oldest friends, are comfortable with cuddling, snuggling, or other non-hug physical contact so that’ll happen on the occasions we get to see each other.

<3

I’ll figure out where to drop it off eventually, maybe

I got an invitation from someone I had been talking to online to come and have dinner with their family. It. Was. Awesome. I got a tour of their gardens, talked pest management, chicken composting, and propagation strategies, got a ukulele concert from their usually shy daughter with some special medical needs (and got to play something for her on the instrument she never shares), and had a lovely meal from their garden. Oh, and we traded plants and cuttings with each other to help diversify our gardens (and who they support)!

My experience has been that the “-” was exactly the same as a skip. Spotify still plays those songs and even if I’ve gone to the artist or group and selected “don’t play this artist” they’ll still come up. So this redesign seems more honest, in that you don’t like the song but they’ll still play it.

Jimothy

Tomathan

Kevincent

Jachary

Esteburt

Stanthony

I am the current incarnation of the-timer’s-about-to-go-off man: every time there’s a timer I’m physically uncomfortable in the seconds right before the notification beeps begin. “It should be done by now” I’ll say, just before the oven timer sounds, or the dryer plays its jingle.

Yesterday I took the dog for a walk around another store while my wife did the grocery shop, but I forgot my phone at home. Sure enough, I got the familiar itch between the shoulder blades and the dread “she’s probably done by now” and had to excuse the pup and I from the group of people giving him scritches. We all reached the car at the same time.