I’m so fucking sick of people complaining about what the Democrats should have done years ago when the Republicans have been actively disassembling this country for my entire adult life, and are really getting down to the “rip out the wiring and sell it for scrap copper” phase.

"The number is 40 percent within weeks. Do not contradict the president.”

These ghouls can’t be trusted with reality.

How long have you been working here? Okay. You like working here? Okay.

How many college educations could have been fully funded for $3 billion? How many elementary schools built? How many other worthwhile problems could have been solved, rather than building a bunch of worthless crumbling garbage out in the desert?

I haven’t used AeroPress, but I appreciate that the French press is equally useful for making both hot and cold brew coffee. Mine is all-metal and you could just about beat someone to death with it.

Surveys indicate that 100% of people respond to surveys.

Meanwhile, in 1948, Executive Order 9981.

Electric kettle.

Bone conduction headphones.

Rechargeable head lamp.

Nice EDC knife.

Driving gloves.

A really good insulated cup.

French press.

Digital kitchen scale.

Slow cooker.

Great opportunity to update a woefully out of date operating system!

Except for “Fuck the Pain Away.” That’s about clipping grocery store coupons.

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There are people who, disturbed by “big government” today and its tendency to curb the advantages they might gain if their competitiveness were allowed free flow, demand “less govern- ment.” Alas, there is no such thing as less government, merely changes in government. If the libertarians had their way, the distant bureaucracy would vanish and the local bully would be in charge. Personally, I prefer the distant bureaucracy, which may not find me, over the local bully, who certainly will. And all historical precedent shows a change to localism to be for the worse.

—Isaac Asimov, Nice Guys Finish First, collected in The Sun Shines Bright, 1981

Conan the Barbarian (1982) has no right to be as good as it is. On paper, it’s a dumb sword and sorcery flick with a body builder who could barely speak English in the lead. But everyone involved does an incredible job, from the acting to the directing, to the score. It’s a crime that Destroyer trashed up the formula, and we never got Conan the King.

“We’re all going to die.”

—Joni Ernst

Anyone who notices something is slightly off about them, like frames where he has extra fingers or nonsense text on the papers on his desk is called a conspiracy theorist, and to shut up and celebrate the Dear Leader’s 170th birthday.

The year is 2117. Either…

A: AI still can’t generate video without a bunch of fucky artifacts.

B: The Trump administration is still using janky AI from the 2020s, even though better options exist.

Both sound plausible.

I thought it was *non-*secret stroking that got you a meeting with HR.

I cried when they canceled The Venture Brothers.

My best friends and I watched every new episode when they aired while we were in college. After I graduated we all pretty much drifted apart, but when Publick and Hammer would actually get around to putting out another season it felt like I was back in that dorm lobby on that smelly couch, watching this show on a huge rear protection TV, with a group of people that were closer to me than anyone ever before or since.

When they canceled the show it felt like there was this unicorn at the zoo, and then one day the zookeeper just went out into the enclosure, blew its brains out, shrugged, and announced “Too expensive to feed!” I was devastated.