Your first step might be finding someone who can mentor you and help you and teach you a bit. Someone with patience and who is caring.
To be honest though, it sounds like some good therapeutic council would do you very well and bring quality of life.
Identity is a construct. Identify however you wish to be identified. You will be judged by and perceived as the identity people inevitably assign to you, regardless of how you self identify. Hopefully it matches. Maybe it won’t.
Mostly, just try to be okay with yourself. Be a decent human and people will generally be okay with you.