WASHINGTON — The leaders of the Democratic National Committee announced they plan to learn absolutely nothing from their embarrassing loss to President-elect Donald Trump, multiple sources confirmed.
“We learned a lot this time around. The most important takeaway from all of this is that we have to stay the course. In 2028 we plan to put forward the most disliked candidate yet. The primary process will probably be truncated, maybe we will skip it altogether. It all depends on what our biggest corporate donors want,” said DNC chair Jaime Harrison. “But we can’t do this without raising money. If you thought our fundraising efforts were annoying before, you haven’t seen anything yet. We also want to congratulate our friends in the Republican party, they played a great game and we can’t wait to work with them more.”
Lisa Fouts, a reluctant member of the Democrat party, is not sure what to do from here.
“This wasn’t supposed to happen. It was supposed to be an easy win. Trump is a felon, a rapist, and he’s legitimately losing his mind. But no, the DNC fucked everything up at every level. They just assumed people would vote their way despite doing nothing for years, it makes me want to puke,” said Fouts. “The DNC already sent an email with the subject line ‘Shame On You’ and it said I didn’t send them enough money to get them to win. Then they sent a follow up email that called me a ‘spoiled child’ and then left me a voicemail saying they are going to kick my dog if I even consider looking into a third part candidate.”
Satire or real life? It’s honestly hard to tell the difference nowadays.
Why would you expect the police to come down on Rose’s side of things? They are much more likely to side with the Neo-Nazis, based on history.