How have you successfully gotten over a breakup? I did not end the relationship and it was the most significant of my life. I feel confused and trying to understand why. I’m not sleeping well and my anxiety has decided to resurface. I’m ruminating. I don’t have many people to go to about this. Please don’t say I will find someone else, because I can’t go there right now. And I know it won’t happen anyway.

  • quinnly@lemmy.mlEnglish
    04·
    1 year ago

    The best way to get over a breakup is to hook up with as many random people as possible. Take a couple nice pictures, set up a tinder/bumble/zoosk/hinge/badoo/whatever dating app you choose and just get out there and have a bunch of casual consensual sex. It’ll feel gross at first but just grit your teeth and power through because it’ll feel a lot better after a while

    • limeaide@lemmy.mlEnglish
      2·
      1 year ago

      It might have worked for you, but it didn’t work for me. Actively trying to distract myself with girls didn’t fix the root of the problem. I hooked up with about 7 girls in 6 months and I only felt lonelier after. For me, it was kind of like those self-improvement, wake up at 4 am, grind-all-day type of programs. It worked while I was doing it, but as soon as I was still, all the feelings that I had been hiding/avoiding came right back. It was a distraction, not a solution.

      What worked for me was thinking and time. At first, I ran from the feelings, but as soon as I realized they weren’t going anywhere, I just embraced them. I cried and cried, thought about how I felt when I cried, thought about my options, etc. Evaluating my life, actions, where I had been, and where I was headed helped me a lot. After a while, I decided to get fit, find my style (clothing, colors, facial hair, etc), and make friends. People can feel when you’re confident and satisfied. When you’re not just looking for something from them because you have it in yourself. People like that.

      Life is good right now. I have a new partner, and even though I still sometimes think about my first real love, it’s not a feeling of longing anymore. I just think about the good times, and I have accepted that we won’t get back together. On the slim chance that we do, it will be many, many years from now.

      That’s what worked for me, but it might not work for others. The only advice I ask OP to listen to, is to not go down the path of hate. Don’t hate your ex. Don’t hate women. Don’t hate the world. Now more than ever, platforms like TikTok, YouTube, Twitter, and others will push Andrew Tate, alpha male, content to you. This is the wrong path. I’m not sure of the nature of your relationship, but even if your ex was a bad person, that does not mean the rest of the world is. Learn to love people for who they are, and you’ll find satisfaction when you let go of expectations. Relationships are an add on to your life, not the final piece to the puzzle.

      Give yourself time to heal because you deserve it. If hooking up with people helps, then go right ahead, but it did not help me.